...has it been a while since my last post. In the interim I've started several, but all seemed to be lacking the gusto of full formulation. Topics I thought about ranged the gamut: the ever-present lesbian drama, why we dont listen to our friends' advice, a thanksgiving inspired nod to that which I'm thankful for, heartache, and the high expectations I have for the people I surround myself with. Clearly with the changing of the seasons I've shifted towards deep introspection. Maybe it's that winter makes me think of my grandpa (we lost him new years day of 2004), which in turn makes me think about bigger-picture reflective type things. Regardless, it's the end of December, and with Christmas bearing down, I've noticed a significant change from years past.
Which is, I'm realizing the importance of focusing on myself these upcoming weeks. My job awards me the opportunity to have quite a bit of time off, and rather than rushing around to try to see friends and family or pouring myself into a current relationship, I'm making an effort to reflect on my needs and desires for the upcoming year. Maybe it's a selfish thing to do in the season of giving, but sometimes the neccessity of things outweighs their timing.
Ms. Karen bought me a fanciful, fabulous, eccentric book about personal style which I am absolutely loving. I took a personality test that rang so true, it was spooky. I got back in touch with a tattoo artist who is really excited about some of the ideas I've had for my next large piece. I'm acutely aware of my value and what I bring to others, and my self-confidence is (surprisingly) stronger than it has been in years. I'm taking pleasure in learning more about myself, and deciding who I want to be (I am always evolving, but it's been a while since my last major overhaul - I sense one coming).
Maybe that's what this actually comes down to. I'm realizing that things have been way too stagnant for my liking for quite some time now, and I'm excited at the potential I have to change and create and enjoy everyday.
So pardon me, while I toast myself New Year's Eve. Resolutions aren't even the start of it :)
Showing posts with label excitement. Show all posts
Showing posts with label excitement. Show all posts
Monday, December 22, 2008
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Fairing
There are few things more endearing than someone you love being truly excited about something. Particularly if it's something you can share with them somehow. Catching your girlfriend touching the necklace you bought her, or seeing your sister smile as she takes the first bite of the cupcakes she asked for, is really nice (and yes, it took me a while to settle on the word nice).
Seeing someone be genuinely excited is like a special glimpse into their psyche, I think. We're adults, and excitement is something usually reserved for children. We are too jaded to experience wonder and awe. Our excitement is supposed to be contained.
And yet, in relationships, many people want someone who they can "be silly with." My lesbian association here brings me to Ani's "two little girls." I've always felt that when I am happiest with a woman, it has been when we exemplified this: two LITTLE girls. Playing and being silly and acting cute.
Does this mean we are conforming to societal mandates that sexualize young girls, or encourage women to 'dumb themselves down'? I dont think so. I think it has more to do with resisting heteronormative expectations by pairing with a woman, and in sharing that resistance with her, feeling safe within that bond to be free to regress a bit. It's in our own space, on our own terms.
Particularly with the women I am attracted to, the responsible, grounded type, it's such a treat to catch those glimpses of child-like excitement. With T, there are two things in particular I think of: magic snow and the Topsfield Fair. Magic snow is a phenomonon I would not do justice to describe, so you can ask her about it if you care to. And the Topsfield Fair? Well that's one part oversized vegetables, three parts delicious food, two parts adorable bright-eyed and bushy tailed bunnies, one part racing pigs, plus a dash of much, much more. I love sharing the Topsfield Fair with T, because it's an important tradition to her, and her excitement is palpable and honest. And guess what? It starts this weekend!
I adore fairs in general. I grew up in Oxford, CT, which has a strong agricultural history, and those roots shine through in me when it comes to things like this. My family used to go the Big E every year. Plus, I love the fall (I will try to write a post without making that statement at some point), so the wood and comforting spices and harvest-bounty and earth and crispness of the air put me in great spirits. I myself am plenty excited to go to the Topsfield Fair, even if I dont get to witness T experiencing it (somebody doesnt know if I'm deserving to go with her, haha). I think I would also like to maybe check out King Richard's Faire too. So now all I need is a few lovely ladies to share in the excitement with me. Who's in?
Seeing someone be genuinely excited is like a special glimpse into their psyche, I think. We're adults, and excitement is something usually reserved for children. We are too jaded to experience wonder and awe. Our excitement is supposed to be contained.
And yet, in relationships, many people want someone who they can "be silly with." My lesbian association here brings me to Ani's "two little girls." I've always felt that when I am happiest with a woman, it has been when we exemplified this: two LITTLE girls. Playing and being silly and acting cute.
Does this mean we are conforming to societal mandates that sexualize young girls, or encourage women to 'dumb themselves down'? I dont think so. I think it has more to do with resisting heteronormative expectations by pairing with a woman, and in sharing that resistance with her, feeling safe within that bond to be free to regress a bit. It's in our own space, on our own terms.
Particularly with the women I am attracted to, the responsible, grounded type, it's such a treat to catch those glimpses of child-like excitement. With T, there are two things in particular I think of: magic snow and the Topsfield Fair. Magic snow is a phenomonon I would not do justice to describe, so you can ask her about it if you care to. And the Topsfield Fair? Well that's one part oversized vegetables, three parts delicious food, two parts adorable bright-eyed and bushy tailed bunnies, one part racing pigs, plus a dash of much, much more. I love sharing the Topsfield Fair with T, because it's an important tradition to her, and her excitement is palpable and honest. And guess what? It starts this weekend!
I adore fairs in general. I grew up in Oxford, CT, which has a strong agricultural history, and those roots shine through in me when it comes to things like this. My family used to go the Big E every year. Plus, I love the fall (I will try to write a post without making that statement at some point), so the wood and comforting spices and harvest-bounty and earth and crispness of the air put me in great spirits. I myself am plenty excited to go to the Topsfield Fair, even if I dont get to witness T experiencing it (somebody doesnt know if I'm deserving to go with her, haha). I think I would also like to maybe check out King Richard's Faire too. So now all I need is a few lovely ladies to share in the excitement with me. Who's in?
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