There are few things more endearing than someone you love being truly excited about something. Particularly if it's something you can share with them somehow. Catching your girlfriend touching the necklace you bought her, or seeing your sister smile as she takes the first bite of the cupcakes she asked for, is really nice (and yes, it took me a while to settle on the word nice).
Seeing someone be genuinely excited is like a special glimpse into their psyche, I think. We're adults, and excitement is something usually reserved for children. We are too jaded to experience wonder and awe. Our excitement is supposed to be contained.
And yet, in relationships, many people want someone who they can "be silly with." My lesbian association here brings me to Ani's "two little girls." I've always felt that when I am happiest with a woman, it has been when we exemplified this: two LITTLE girls. Playing and being silly and acting cute.
Does this mean we are conforming to societal mandates that sexualize young girls, or encourage women to 'dumb themselves down'? I dont think so. I think it has more to do with resisting heteronormative expectations by pairing with a woman, and in sharing that resistance with her, feeling safe within that bond to be free to regress a bit. It's in our own space, on our own terms.
Particularly with the women I am attracted to, the responsible, grounded type, it's such a treat to catch those glimpses of child-like excitement. With T, there are two things in particular I think of: magic snow and the Topsfield Fair. Magic snow is a phenomonon I would not do justice to describe, so you can ask her about it if you care to. And the Topsfield Fair? Well that's one part oversized vegetables, three parts delicious food, two parts adorable bright-eyed and bushy tailed bunnies, one part racing pigs, plus a dash of much, much more. I love sharing the Topsfield Fair with T, because it's an important tradition to her, and her excitement is palpable and honest. And guess what? It starts this weekend!
I adore fairs in general. I grew up in Oxford, CT, which has a strong agricultural history, and those roots shine through in me when it comes to things like this. My family used to go the Big E every year. Plus, I love the fall (I will try to write a post without making that statement at some point), so the wood and comforting spices and harvest-bounty and earth and crispness of the air put me in great spirits. I myself am plenty excited to go to the Topsfield Fair, even if I dont get to witness T experiencing it (somebody doesnt know if I'm deserving to go with her, haha). I think I would also like to maybe check out King Richard's Faire too. So now all I need is a few lovely ladies to share in the excitement with me. Who's in?
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Friday, September 26, 2008
35 Days...
The countdown has officially begun. I might have mentioned previously my affinity for fall. To be honest, it's actually more like a full-on obsession. And I just realized that halloween/my birthday is exactly 5 weeks away! "omigoodness!"
So of course I'm thinking about costumes, because I am and always have been a HUGE fan of dressing up. I've already seen mention of anticipation of a million Sarah Palins and Jokers, and of course the slutty *insert profession here*s.
I really want to be a super-villain (I've had a thing about super-heroes this past year), and Harley Quinn is starting to grow on me. I was thinking I could do a 'realistic' (ie - no spandex), relevant pairing for our now beloved Dark Knight's Johnny Rotten-esque Joker. I think it would provide opportunity for great fodder with the previously mentioned abundance of Jokers. Ideas for how this would translate into a functional costume are very welcome!!
And of course I'm open to other suggestions :)
So of course I'm thinking about costumes, because I am and always have been a HUGE fan of dressing up. I've already seen mention of anticipation of a million Sarah Palins and Jokers, and of course the slutty *insert profession here*s.
I really want to be a super-villain (I've had a thing about super-heroes this past year), and Harley Quinn is starting to grow on me. I was thinking I could do a 'realistic' (ie - no spandex), relevant pairing for our now beloved Dark Knight's Johnny Rotten-esque Joker. I think it would provide opportunity for great fodder with the previously mentioned abundance of Jokers. Ideas for how this would translate into a functional costume are very welcome!!
And of course I'm open to other suggestions :)
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
The Comfort of Objects
When I am angry or upset, I vent (a lot) to others. But when I am sad, like many people, I become introverted. I regress in a way, at least in terms of the things I'm drawn to. It's very apparent to me that I am comforted by dependability, which is interesting in that, while it's a quality I am very much attracted to (I think I'm seeking balance), it isnt one I would immediately assign to myself.
Comfort Clothes:
T knew I was a bit down, so she brought me her long sleeve high school t-shirt that I told her I had been thinking about a day or two before.
Me: this shirt is nice
T: is it making you happy?
Me: comforted
T: good. that's what i hoped
Me: :-)
In thinking about the clothing that can be found in my closet and drawers, there is a stark disparity between old and new. What immediately comes to mind are the items that i've purchased within the past year or so, and there is a general feeling of excitement around them ("I am a material girl" much?). But it is the others that are more constant, that hold special meaning. The t-shirts acquired (stolen? never!) from friends and lovers. The favorite jeans. These things have memories, they are soft and worn and familiar, and we all have them. I admittedly have an affinity for clothing shopping, but when it comes down to it, the clothing that is most valuable to me are the things I wear to bed.
Comfort Foods:
I could eat soup every day. And now that it is officially fall, I have no qualms about doing so. Soup has always made me think of my grandmother (perhaps because, for several years of my life, she made me chicken soup to bring to school in my thermos every day). T used to spend hours making soup, too, only to barely eat one bowl of it - I would down the rest of it for every meal in the days after. Comfort food has gotten me into trouble before (30 lbs of trouble!) but there's a reason it's called that - it's so damn good. And of the comfort foods I could choose, I feel like soup is a pretty good one overall (unless it comes from a can. yuck.).
Comfort Music:
It's funny how music I typically think of myself as being "over" - because I'm so forward-thinking, hip, and judgemental in that way (wait a minute, I live in Brighton, not Allston) - namely DMB and Ani, are the first things I turn to when I'm in a funk. I think it has a lot to do with how moved I was when I discovered those artists (because when you're 14, discovering music is like discovering your true self, and Dave and Ani totally spoke to me).
Which is not to say that I dont still have a ton of respect for Ani, I think she's done wonders for maintaining awareness about feminist issues, and I even wrote a paper about her in college (yes, I was that lesbian), but she's not on my daily shuffle. And yet, there's nothing I listen to more than "anyday" and "she says" when I'm upset - and I've got the iTunes times-played counter thingy to prove it.
I dont really like making the association between favorite/comfort objects and sadness, but in writing this, I've realized that's exactly what I've done. Although, I think that maybe I just notice it more when I am sad, because when things are going good, they're a given. In any case, whether or not it comes off as shallow, I am happy to continue taking comfort in objects :)
Comfort Clothes:
T knew I was a bit down, so she brought me her long sleeve high school t-shirt that I told her I had been thinking about a day or two before.
Me: this shirt is nice
T: is it making you happy?
Me: comforted
T: good. that's what i hoped
Me: :-)
In thinking about the clothing that can be found in my closet and drawers, there is a stark disparity between old and new. What immediately comes to mind are the items that i've purchased within the past year or so, and there is a general feeling of excitement around them ("I am a material girl" much?). But it is the others that are more constant, that hold special meaning. The t-shirts acquired (stolen? never!) from friends and lovers. The favorite jeans. These things have memories, they are soft and worn and familiar, and we all have them. I admittedly have an affinity for clothing shopping, but when it comes down to it, the clothing that is most valuable to me are the things I wear to bed.
Comfort Foods:
I could eat soup every day. And now that it is officially fall, I have no qualms about doing so. Soup has always made me think of my grandmother (perhaps because, for several years of my life, she made me chicken soup to bring to school in my thermos every day). T used to spend hours making soup, too, only to barely eat one bowl of it - I would down the rest of it for every meal in the days after. Comfort food has gotten me into trouble before (30 lbs of trouble!) but there's a reason it's called that - it's so damn good. And of the comfort foods I could choose, I feel like soup is a pretty good one overall (unless it comes from a can. yuck.).
Comfort Music:
It's funny how music I typically think of myself as being "over" - because I'm so forward-thinking, hip, and judgemental in that way (wait a minute, I live in Brighton, not Allston) - namely DMB and Ani, are the first things I turn to when I'm in a funk. I think it has a lot to do with how moved I was when I discovered those artists (because when you're 14, discovering music is like discovering your true self, and Dave and Ani totally spoke to me).
Which is not to say that I dont still have a ton of respect for Ani, I think she's done wonders for maintaining awareness about feminist issues, and I even wrote a paper about her in college (yes, I was that lesbian), but she's not on my daily shuffle. And yet, there's nothing I listen to more than "anyday" and "she says" when I'm upset - and I've got the iTunes times-played counter thingy to prove it.
I dont really like making the association between favorite/comfort objects and sadness, but in writing this, I've realized that's exactly what I've done. Although, I think that maybe I just notice it more when I am sad, because when things are going good, they're a given. In any case, whether or not it comes off as shallow, I am happy to continue taking comfort in objects :)
Monday, September 22, 2008
SNL, part deux
Like most sequels, Saturday's SNL opening sketch wasn't quite up to par with the amazing-ness that is the Tina Fey/Amy Pohler Palin/Clinton sketch from last week, but still brought me chuckles galore. Peep it here:
I approve this parody
I approve this parody
Behind the Counter
Twice in three days I've had my once-or-twice punched coffee frequent-buyer card completely finished by the counter-person. An extra punch here and there isn't necessarily remarkable, but the exaggerated finishing of the card twice in such close time proximity got me thinking. I remember talking to Chris about this very thing last November, it even worked itself into some of her wordplay: "the double punch of your dunkin donuts cards by the wage-worker...the world will listen to the tiny acts of subversion we call the individual."
But to me, the act is more motivated by kindness than subversion, or even the most simple interpretation - the desire to be tipped. The guy at DD already had his tip from me, and Carole at Java City knows that I'll tip her whether or not she punches my card. Maybe it's my idealism, but I'd much rather think that the gesture was a result of a cordial interaction or positive rapport than a resentful desire to stick it to the man (not that man-sticking isn't also a great motivation in the right circumstances).
When I think about it, I do subscribe to the concept of 'paying it forward', and those LibertyMutual 'responsibility, what's your policy' commercials strike a chord with me. I guess I'm a 'kill them with kindness' kinda gal. I'm sure having my own experiences behind the counter, working in the service industry, made me that way. Yet it's a little strange, or at least surprising, to think of myself as optimistic overall, because I generally find pessimism and its sister sarcasm attractive qualities - my thought process being that their presence often speak to intelligence.
Yet, a negative outlook as the intelligent choice seems to contradict what I've personally found in practice: that flashing a smile notoriously gets me much further than not (a lesson my mother has yet to learn - she is THAT woman in front of you in line).
It's Monday. The weather could easily get me down, if not the news, the economy, my personal problems, or lack of sleep. But the simple choice to remain positive is allowing me to enjoy today. I have a thousand opportunities to smile and be kind to others right now, and I'm going to try to take advantage of them. As Charles Reade said "Beauty is power; a smile is its sword."
But to me, the act is more motivated by kindness than subversion, or even the most simple interpretation - the desire to be tipped. The guy at DD already had his tip from me, and Carole at Java City knows that I'll tip her whether or not she punches my card. Maybe it's my idealism, but I'd much rather think that the gesture was a result of a cordial interaction or positive rapport than a resentful desire to stick it to the man (not that man-sticking isn't also a great motivation in the right circumstances).
When I think about it, I do subscribe to the concept of 'paying it forward', and those LibertyMutual 'responsibility, what's your policy' commercials strike a chord with me. I guess I'm a 'kill them with kindness' kinda gal. I'm sure having my own experiences behind the counter, working in the service industry, made me that way. Yet it's a little strange, or at least surprising, to think of myself as optimistic overall, because I generally find pessimism and its sister sarcasm attractive qualities - my thought process being that their presence often speak to intelligence.
Yet, a negative outlook as the intelligent choice seems to contradict what I've personally found in practice: that flashing a smile notoriously gets me much further than not (a lesson my mother has yet to learn - she is THAT woman in front of you in line).
It's Monday. The weather could easily get me down, if not the news, the economy, my personal problems, or lack of sleep. But the simple choice to remain positive is allowing me to enjoy today. I have a thousand opportunities to smile and be kind to others right now, and I'm going to try to take advantage of them. As Charles Reade said "Beauty is power; a smile is its sword."
Friday, September 19, 2008
friday nonsense
So, apparently Jackie thinks I have nothing better to do at work than fill out chain surveys. Well guess what, Jackie: you're right, and I'll prove it to you...
A) Four places that I go to over and over:
Robeks - I'm a smoothie whore
DD - i run on it (that's right, folks, I'm back in a 'i drink coffee all the time' phase, if you couldn't tell)
Work - thus this right here
and, i go to Sleep - almost daily
(and i'd like to add a moment of silence for the gym - I've been banned)
B) Four people who email me regularly:
My mom - complete with emoticons :) :) :)
Chris - o.g.
Val - I'm surprised i still like her, considering she doesn't have gmail/gchat
Stacey - but only when it's something super dramatic... like, um, every minute of either of our lives.
C) Four of my favorite places to eat:
Home - Meg likes cooking almost as much as i like baking
Connecticut - T can attest to the amazingness that is little pastas & daddy's ribs
Everywhere, when it's Restaurant Week
In between... okay, okay, I'll keep it clean, n/m. ;) (whaaaat, you knew I was gonna make an overt sexual reference SOMEWHERE)
D) Four places I would rather be right now:
Dancing (ie, fast-forward this day a few hours)
Pumpkin-picking (ie, fast-forward this season a few weeks)
NYC (um, always)
Vegas, baby (I'm fixated)
E) Four people I think will respond:
No one, because I'm the only one (besides Jackie) who does shit like this. I'm not holding out any hope for any of you.
F) Four TV shows I watch:
House
Fringe
90210- Not really. Okay, really. I don't know why. Shuttup. It's not awful.
That's it right now, I need 30rock and the office back.
YAY! Wasn't that fun!?
A) Four places that I go to over and over:
Robeks - I'm a smoothie whore
DD - i run on it (that's right, folks, I'm back in a 'i drink coffee all the time' phase, if you couldn't tell)
Work - thus this right here
and, i go to Sleep - almost daily
(and i'd like to add a moment of silence for the gym - I've been banned)
B) Four people who email me regularly:
My mom - complete with emoticons :) :) :)
Chris - o.g.
Val - I'm surprised i still like her, considering she doesn't have gmail/gchat
Stacey - but only when it's something super dramatic... like, um, every minute of either of our lives.
C) Four of my favorite places to eat:
Home - Meg likes cooking almost as much as i like baking
Connecticut - T can attest to the amazingness that is little pastas & daddy's ribs
Everywhere, when it's Restaurant Week
In between... okay, okay, I'll keep it clean, n/m. ;) (whaaaat, you knew I was gonna make an overt sexual reference SOMEWHERE)
D) Four places I would rather be right now:
Dancing (ie, fast-forward this day a few hours)
Pumpkin-picking (ie, fast-forward this season a few weeks)
NYC (um, always)
Vegas, baby (I'm fixated)
E) Four people I think will respond:
No one, because I'm the only one (besides Jackie) who does shit like this. I'm not holding out any hope for any of you.
F) Four TV shows I watch:
House
Fringe
90210- Not really. Okay, really. I don't know why. Shuttup. It's not awful.
That's it right now, I need 30rock and the office back.
YAY! Wasn't that fun!?
Fall and Friends
This morning my boss forwarded me an email from her husband that had both of us choking up. Bruce, her hubby, is definitely what one would term a “man’s man.” He’s a fantastic all-around guy, who also apparently sends out a quote w/ comments to people he’s close to every Friday:
“The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately, without growing apart” Elisabeth Foley
This morning as I was pulling into the parking lot, I noticed this elderly man walking through the lot heading into the field next to my office for a walk with his dog. I have seen this man before this, usually on Friday mornings walking through the cemetery near the campus. As I was getting out of my truck, I said good morning to him. With an enthusiastic tone he replied, “yes, it is a wonderful morning isn’t it!” You all know me by now and how I love to talk to people so I took this as my opportunity J. So I said, “sir, I’ve noticed you walking through the cemetery on Friday mornings before. Can I ask why only on Friday’s?” "Sure" he said, as if he had something to tell me. "I come here every Friday to visit my wife up on the hill, then I come down here to visit my life-long buddy. We were in three wars together you know." So now I’m chocking back the tears and have a lump in my throat the size of a baseball. We talked for about ten minutes and I asked him what advice he would give to younger folks as we grow older. "Well, Bruce, (we exchanged names…his name is John) we don't always have control over our health, or even our wealth. But we have control of keeping in touch with our friends. So, I would have to say, stay in touch. Whether you're sick or poor, healthy or wealthy, you can always stay in touch." I thanked him and we shook hands and wished each other a good day.
Don’t let life get in the way. Remember, friendship isn’t one big thing…it’s a million little things.
Until next week…
L…L…L
Bruce
Fall is my favorite season, and to me, it comes with a sense of renewal (must have something to do with school starting – I wear my nerdiness as a badge of honor, thank you!). Perhaps the energizing change of season has had an effect on my interpersonal relations, because I’ve definitely felt compelled to reach out and reconnect with the people around me who may have gotten lost during the summer (summer is a selfish time, I’m fairly certain). So this email came at just the right time. Fate has a funny way of doing that to us, doesn’t it? :-)
XoX
Bex
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Why do straight men need my validation?
I've been picking up on a trend. Men ask me what I think of the woman their interested in-- it's becoming a frequent occurance. The implication being that they're asking because I'm a gay.
Take this interaction:
While waiting in line for Pure, the guy behind me says "she's hot, right?" - talking about one of the girls he has arrived with. I say, somewhat dismissively, "yea, sure." He asks again "don't you think she's hot?" and I reply that she is, indeed, "hot". His response-- a big reveal: "That's my wife!"
Okay, way to go buddy. Do you want a cookie?
Maybe I'm missing something. Maybe I'm not around guys enough to know that this is actually the way they talk to each other, and approval is more important than whether guy-in-question is attracted to girl-in-question. Maybe the guy in line just wanted me to join them for a threesome (because, isn't that every lesbian's ultimate goal? to have sex with straight couples? I know it's mine...).
It just seems strange to me. Although maybe it's a sign that the lesbian perspective is becoming more respected, and I should be happy. Thoughts?
Take this interaction:
While waiting in line for Pure, the guy behind me says "she's hot, right?" - talking about one of the girls he has arrived with. I say, somewhat dismissively, "yea, sure." He asks again "don't you think she's hot?" and I reply that she is, indeed, "hot". His response-- a big reveal: "That's my wife!"
Okay, way to go buddy. Do you want a cookie?
Maybe I'm missing something. Maybe I'm not around guys enough to know that this is actually the way they talk to each other, and approval is more important than whether guy-in-question is attracted to girl-in-question. Maybe the guy in line just wanted me to join them for a threesome (because, isn't that every lesbian's ultimate goal? to have sex with straight couples? I know it's mine...).
It just seems strange to me. Although maybe it's a sign that the lesbian perspective is becoming more respected, and I should be happy. Thoughts?
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
I'm obsessed with Sarah Palin
I really am. It's getting to be a bit ridiculous. I read everything that has her name on it, and each time get more and more angry. That people are responding positively to this woman is beyond me. I really don't understand the middle.
Two very big positives have come from it, however: 1) I've become re-energized about what is, from my perspective, a rather discouraging election. 2) I've been given yet another reason to be in love with some of my favorite celebs: Tina Fey, Gina Gershon, P!nk, and Lindsay and Sam (oh please, admit you like them too, I wont tell). It's also given me a reason to absolutely SWOON over Gloria Steinem, and the way I see it, there is nothing wrong with that!
Two very big positives have come from it, however: 1) I've become re-energized about what is, from my perspective, a rather discouraging election. 2) I've been given yet another reason to be in love with some of my favorite celebs: Tina Fey, Gina Gershon, P!nk, and Lindsay and Sam (oh please, admit you like them too, I wont tell). It's also given me a reason to absolutely SWOON over Gloria Steinem, and the way I see it, there is nothing wrong with that!
Yes, I think that highly of myself...
So I decided to start a blog. Mostly because I've recently felt the need to share quite a few websites/musings/ideas/what-have-you with whomever I think would be willing to listen, and have found the typical friend-network sites (oh facebook & myspace, I love you dearly) to not be a proper forum for such things. And because I think that said things are important enough that you would want to read them (doesn't everyone?). For now, I think I'll just post whatever up here, until I iscolate what I'll focus on. So, welcome :)
xoxo
Bex
xoxo
Bex
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